As you know, I’m in the process of writing my new book, “Let’s Get Real – What People of Color Can’t Say & Whites Won’t Ask” and I would like each of you to be a part of that book by answering any of the questions below. There is so much that is unsaid in this country when it comes to talking about race issues. It is my hope that this book will stimulate a much needed conversation on race and racism that will lead to a more intimate and honest conversation and relationship with each other.

Part One – Getting Real, is about confronting some of the issues that keeps us all from talking to each other about race/racism. Part Two– Creating a Bridge, is about ways to begin that conversation, how to create a bridge to talk about our differences, exploring what opens us up and what closes us down, and finally, 101 ways to become Culturally Competent in our relationships and workplaces.

I hope that you will join me in this effort. Your honesty, integrity and experiences on this issue will be invaluable. You each have much to contribute in helping others understand that before we can truly become a multicultural nation. We must have a relationship based on respect and understanding, reflection and curiosity where our differences and our similarities are embraced, valued, useful and integrated into the very fabric of our workplaces, communities, schools and governmental institutions. Awareness and participating in holidays is just the beginning. What is required is an ongoing dialogue and relationship with each other. I hope that you each will join me in making this not only a better world for our children, but for ourselves – not by starting tomorrow, but beginning today.

In friendship & community,
Lee Mun Wah

Let’s Get Real
What People of Color Can’t Say & Whites Won’t Ask

Questions For People of Color:

1. What’s hard telling whites the truth about racism?
2. What’s the price of telling the truth about race relations in the U.S.?
3. Why do you think it’s so hard for whites to hear the truth about racism?
4. What would you say to whites if you could tell them the truth about racism?
5. In what ways do whites keep people of color from telling the truth about race/racism?
6. How have you learned to “play the game” to appease white folks?
7. What would it take for you to feel safe enough to tell the truth about race/racism to white folks?
8. What is the difference between talking about race and racism?
9. What is the illusion about race relations in the United States?
10. Are race relations getting worse or better in the U.S? Why or why not?
11. Can you ever envision a world without racism? Why or why not?
12. What was your most profound experience with racism? How old were you? How did it affect you and how does it affect you today?
13. What do you think it will take for whites to truly embrace diversity?
14. In order to unlearn racism, what do you need or want from white folks?
15. What can’t you say about racism? Why or why not?
16. What does assimilation mean to you? Why?
17. When you have told the truth about racism, what has been some of your experiences? How have those outcomes affected you?
18. When talking about racism, what opens you up and what close you down?
19. What do you say to folks that feel that racism is no longer an issue now that we have a black president?
20. Do you think that your children will experience racism when they grow up? Why or why not?
21. How do you think whites can be effective allies to people of color?

Questions For Whites:

1. What’s good and what’s hard talking about racism?
2. How does guilt keep you from dealing with racism?
3. How do you think you benefit from racism?
4. What opens you up and what closes you down to talk about racism? Why?
5. What are some of your fears to bring up the issue of racism with people of color? With other white folks?
6. What do you need from people of color to feel safe to talk about racism?
7. What do you need from other whites to feel safe to talk about racism?
8. If you could say three things to people of color about racism, what would you say?
9. What do you think it will take for people of color and whites to trust each other?
10. Do you believe that racism is a learned behavior and attitude? If yes, why? If not, why not?
11. Where did most of your stereotypes about people of color come from? How did those stereotypes affect your perceptions and attitudes toward them?
12. What part do you think you play in perpetuating racism?
13. How do you think whites can be effective allies to people of color? Why?
14. What do you think it will take to unlearn racism for white folks?
15. What are some of the things that you are afraid to say to people of color?
16. What would be some questions you would like to ask people of color?
17. Why do you think many white folks don’t identify as a group?
18. When did you first experience racism? What happened and how did it affect you?
19. What percentage is your life is impacted by racism? Why or why not?
20. In what ways have you been able to avoid talking or dealing with racism?
21. Are there two Americas? Why or why not?
22. What does assimilation mean to you?
23. What does diversity or multicuturalism mean to you?
24. What do you think keeps people of color and whites apart?
25. What do you think it will take for the United States to heal from racism?

*All submissions must be in by September 1st, 2009

***Instructions: Choose which set of questions matches your ethnicity (people of color/whites) and answer as many questions as you would like. Try to keep your answers to one page or less; also, please avoid one word answers. I need answers to be at least four lines or more. Be specific and honest in your answers. You are encouraged to share your personal stories and experiences. It is my hope to touch the mind and the heart. When finished, at the bottom, include your name, ethnicity, and title reference (director, trainer, etc.) and send by email to: stirfriedmoons@aol.com

Also, include giving your permission for this to be published, edited, and reproduced. Compensation shall be a free copy of the book when it is published. It is my hope to find a publisher and for the release date to be in the Spring 2010. Please feel free to pass this onto a friend or colleague that you think could make a contribution. If you have any questions, call me 510.704.1986 or email me. Thanks so much for being a part of this important project.

Kokoro kara, Lee Mun Wah

Ever since I can remember, my father engrained into each of us the importance of understanding our place in the world in relationship to a white person. We were warned never to get mad at or to question whites because our jobs, our reputations, our social and our physical safety would be in jeopardy. This came from my father having had his name changed by immigration officials when he first came to this country as a child and then later on as an adult being told he could not go to bathrooms in white restaurants, as early as 1956 in San Francisco and in other parts of the Bay Area. Even when he was in the merchant marines, the discrimination did not stop, as Chinese were segregated and primarily assigned to latrine and cooking details. These words of caution had a two-fold effect on all of us growing up. It imparted the learning that whites were powerful and dangerous, but also that knowing how and when to keep silent was essential to our survival and success in this country.

And so, here we are in the year 2009, still groping to find the words to not only express our true selves, but also how to find a way to connect and to relate to those we have been taught to be weary of. That is why I collected over 5,000 questions from across this country since 2001 that whites and people of color have always wanted to ask each other but were too afraid to and had them write them down anonymously. I reproduced them onto small cards and packaged them into a box entitled, ‘What Stands Between Us’.

Here are some samples of their questions:

Questions by European Americans for People of Color:

• *How can I (as a white person) acknowledge your racial
  identity and differences without seeming to be racist?
  Sometimes it feels like a ‘no win’ situation.
• *Do you believe whites can allies?
• *How can you hate white people if you haven’t met them
  before?
• *You say that you see discrimination and hate towards
  your people, but does it also go the other way?

Questions by People of Color for European Americans:

• *Do you want to give up your privilege?
  Why or why not?
• *Why do you think being ‘colorblind’ is a good thing?
• *Do you ever notice that only whites are in a room?
• *If you truly want a multicultural society, why do you live
  in and have your children go to mostly white schools?

These are just a sampling of the thousands of other questions we keep to ourselves. The real question is…
what’s keeping us from asking them? Which are we more afraid of…the questions or the answers?

Throughout the day of Obama’s inauguration and into the night, so many images, so many stories emerged and planted themselves into my memory and heart. Millions stood out in the freezing cold for hours. From every corner of this country people came to witness and to be a part of this historic moment. Folks talked about how there were ‘no strangers’ amongst the millions who attended the inauguration. Each person they met embraced them, talked with them as if they were old friends. People gave each other rides, shared food, and told stories of how and why they participated in Obama’s quest for the presidency.

A young African American boy in high school shared that maybe now people wouldn’t look at him and see a robber or murderer, but would see instead a teacher, a lawyer, and possibly the next president of the United States. Others talked about how this new president gave them hope for the first time, a sense that they could play a part in creating the direction and healing of this country. And still others wept, because they never thought they would live to see a black president in their lifetimes. They never thought that so many whites and young people would join together with them to fulfill the dream of Martin Luther King, Jr.

It was all truly magical, and this time the dream could not be stolen; it was, for many of us, a dream come true. A black man was the 44th president of the United States. Someone said, perhaps most succinctly, that finally we had someone who understood us because he grew up poor and from a broken family. He lived in other countries and experienced the beauty and value of other cultures and religions. And even after law school when he could have chosen any prestigious law firm, he chose to work in the streets of Chicago as a community organizer for the poor and later rising to become a Senator from his home state, Illinois. To many on this day, he was a president for all of us because he rose up amongst us as a champion for the poor and a warrior for social justice.

And so, on this rare occasion of a new biracial president, perhaps it would be good to pause for a moment–to remember and to give thanks to what it has taken for all of us to get to this moment. Pete Seeger was right. This land is your land and this land is my land. This land belongs to you and me. And on this cold morning in January 2009, all I can say is, America never looked so beautiful.

But those hopes and dreams didn’t quite turn out as I had thought. I became more than I had envisioned and more of service than I could have ever dreamed. I started out to be a lawyer, and ended up a special education teacher, poet, storyteller, tarot reader, filmmaker, diversity trainer and author. In between those pursuits I also became a father and a husband a few times—all important experiences that enriched and humbled me.

In looking back, there has been so much I have learned—that life is more about giving than taking, that friends are more valuable than riches, that love has always been more powerful than hate, that helping others is good for the heart, and that the secret to staying forever young is to be good listener, a faithful student and a kind friend.

And so, as this new year 2009 unfolds, I wish that each of you find what you are looking for and hold dear to what you already have. Life is precious in so many ways and an incredible journey if we so choose. We have so much to be thankful for and many challenges ahead that will test our goodness and our honor as a country and as a people. In the coming year, may we remember to take care of each other and our precious planet, and may there finally be peace on earth.

Happy New Year! Lee Mun Wah & Staff